Lullaby
by Fangurl Phantomhive
Summary: Songfic on Lullaby by Nickelback; After Alan's death, Eric has attempted suicide several times, feeling like he can no longer live with the guilt of killing his best friend. When Fangurl finds out about his suicidal attempts, will she be able to stop him before it's too late? Eric/Fangurl fluff, hinted past Eric/Alan & Alan/Fangurl. Rated for attempted suicide & fluff. R&R please


Opening his eyes, Eric Slingby sighed as he discovered that he was still alive. He lay on his stomach atop his bed with one arm dangling off the side as his head rested on a pillow. Feeling around the carpet, the blonde found what he was looking for; a pill bottle that he had emptied the night before. "Dammit, it didn't work," he cursed himself.

It had been four months since he had murdered his best friend Alan Humphries. The Shinigami Department Administrators ruled Alan's death as an accident since he was already supposed to die of the Thorns of Death. This had made Eric deeply scarred and ragged, living with the fact that he had murdered his partner/best friend. So he decided a few weeks ago that he would be the cause of his own death, if the Administrators weren't going to punish him, then he would punish himself.

His first attempt was to drink himself to death. Eric had gathered up about six and a half bottles of whiskey and had downed them all in about four hours' time. Though, he didn't die, Eric instead woke up with a hell of a headache the next day, which remained with him for a few days.

The blonde pulled himself up off the bed and trudged into his bathroom. He stared at his own bloodshot eyes and messy, dirty blonde hair in the reflection. Eric had reduced himself down to almost nothing trying to punish himself over Alan's death.

He walked slowly out of his apartment and into the brightness of the morning in the Shinigami Realm. The brightness didn't help with his headache as Eric walked to the Shinigami Dispatch Society's offices.

From inside his office, Eric Slingby looked out of his window and towards the rest of the Shinigami Realm. Not far away from the Dispatch was the ocean, and the beach; the beach that he and Alan had often visited after hours with Ronald and Grell.

William T. Spears entered his office and tossed a file onto Eric's desk. "Slingby, there's a reaping I need you to do today at 2:48 p.m. in London. A young teenage boy is going to be committing suicide and I need you to reap his soul," William stated expressionless.

"Yes sir," Eric muttered as the stoic Shinigami left.

Around two thirty, the blonde departed to London to find his victim. He saw a teenage boy climb atop the bridge and contemplate jumping or not. Eric wasted no time reaping his soul as the boy fell off the bridge and plummeted into the water below.

With the soul collected, Eric too climbed atop the bridge and looked down at the water below him. Turning around, Eric spread his arms out eagle-style and fell backwards.

As he fell, he closed his eyes and thought about his life working with Alan. He could still see the light leave his friend's eyes as he slashed his death scythe over Alan's fragile body. "I'm so sorry Alan. I'm sorry for everything," Eric muttered before his body splashed into the river.

The Shinigami felt his body drift farther down into the black water and he felt the weight of the river begin to crush him as air slowly escaped his lungs. Eric gradually released his grip on his death scythe and felt his glasses slip off his face as he sank deeper and blacked out.

Strangely, Eric soon thought he felt sunlight on his face and air re-enter his lungs. He felt water exit his body as he coughed violently. Opening his eyes, Eric discovered he was on the beach of the Shinigami Realm. On one side of him lie his death scythe and on his other side was a blurry figure. The blonde couldn't see well yet since his glasses were still off.

Slipping them back on, Eric saw that Fangurl Phantomhive was sitting next to him. "Fangurl?" he asked once he found his voice again.

Fangurl placed a hand gently on Eric's chest and questioned gently "Eric what the hell were you thinking; jumping off the bridge like that?"

"You saw that?" the blonde questioned.

"Yes, Eric, what in the world gave you the intention to want to do something stupid like that?" Fangurl wondered.

"I've been thinking about Alan a lot lately, and I don't know, urges just came over me," Eric replied.

"Urges? Eric, why the hell are you having urges to throw yourself off a bridge?" Fangurl asked.

"I still feel guilt for Alan's death," Eric stated.

"Eric, it's been four months since Alan died, it's time to bury whatever is bugging you," Fangurl suggested.

"It's not that easy Fangurl," the blonde said as he sat up.

"Eric, I'm here for you to talk to if that's what you need," Fangurl offered.

"I don't need any help," the Shinigami rejected.

"You're throwing yourself off bridges, I think you need a little help," Fangurl stated.

Slowly, the blonde stood up before turning to his friend. "Listen, there's no need to worry about me, I'm fine," he promised.

After a moment of silence, Fangurl replied "Don't do anything you'll regret Eric." Fangurl then used his scythe to open up a portal back to the Human Realm and stepped through.

As he walked home, Eric frowned at another failed suicide attempt. Drinking didn't work, overdosing had failed, and even trying to drown himself didn't work. There had to be some method that could work.

The blonde strolled into the kitchen once he was inside of his apartment and got a bottle of vodka out of the cabinet. Popping off the top, Eric plopped down on his couch and downed the clear liquid. It burned his throat but at this moment, the burning sensation made Eric feel better.

Glancing over at the table next to the couch, Eric gazed at a photo of him and Alan that had been taken of them on Alan's birthday seven months earlier. Every time he looked at Alan's face, all Eric could think about was his death scythe lacerating away at the beautiful features of his brunette friend.

The scene always replayed in his mind, almost every hour of every day, for the past four months. That damned brat Ciel Phantomhive, _he_ was the cause of Alan's death. If only he would've showed up a few minutes earlier when Alan was still suffering from an attack, then maybe Eric would've had the opportunity to retrieve the final soul he needed and Alan would still be alive.

Eric still loathed Ciel, but after Alan's death, he'd begun to become closer with Fangurl, Alan's best friend. True, she was a Phantomhive, but she wasn't like Ciel; Fangurl loved Alan and every other Shinigami dearly, while Ciel found them to be nuisances.

Looking down at the half empty bottle of vodka in his hand, Eric set the rest down on the table before he stumbled into his bedroom. Unbuttoning his work shirt, the blonde slid the garment off of his body before removing his work gloves and his pants. Standing there in just his boxers, Eric looked at himself in the mirror.

Staring back at his own reflection, he began to have flashbacks of him and Alan doing reapings, out partying together, and lying in bed asleep together. Pressing a hand against the mirror, Eric lowered his head and whispered "I'm so sorry Alan."


End file.
